After a very weird weekend (energy and emotional wise) I arrived to the point that my freedom gives me a lot of confusion on what to do how to fulfil it? Since I am doing quite successfully my 21 day challenge I feel that energy is raising in me and all around me. I have a feeling very often that I just don't know how to ground it or float it away. In the past when I had this feeling I used self-destructive ways to let the energy out. I felt the same on Saturday, in spite of a lot of running, biking, relaxing, meditating, cooking, learning Dutch, meeting people, watching series, listening to music, reading I felt that I will explode soon if something is not happening right now. Should I smoke, should I go party and get wasted....the answer was NO, so I started to look after some sweets. The only thing I found it was hot chocolate powder with tortilla:)))) I can tell you it was not really a pleasant dessert. I started to eat it and I was really hoping it will help somehow to put myself on the ground....after one and a half piece it really hit me in the head that what the fuck I am doing??? What is this self-destruction again??? So after the only thing I did it was watching TV till I fall asleep which I never do normally...
It was really a moment of enlightenment. I realized that for me this self-destructive activities are happening in order to pass time/to fulfil my unoccupied free time. I got the flash light that would it be better if I replace them with something self-constructive??? I feel that I am kind of over relaxed and eager to do things again after the very busy summer period.
So today is a new day and I decided to look after some places where I can do voluntary work and I can give to other people. I am ready to give again! And what I give it all comes back to me:)
Are you ready to give today?
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